On Messiness

As you write something, in my case it's an MA thesis, you have to become very comfortable with non-linearity. You have to be willing to chase a thought through the muckiness of a nearly-overflowing mind. You have to learn to live with and appreciate messiness. This, I think, is an important life lesson. It's a kind of commitment. Some whacked-out bit of faith -- a belief that the messiness will lead you to something worthwhile. These days, I'm in the middle of that muck. Strung-out on a live wire that may or may not get me fried.

I've finished my first draft. I spent this weekend lazing about, sitting in the sun, near the lake, re-reading some of the texts that are central to my argument. Thinking about things like justice and beauty and political enfranchisement.

What I'm learning is that I have to relinquish a little control. Wallow in the uncertainty. Muddle through the messiness. Slowly. Writing and thinking are things I love to do. But they are certainly not tidy things. They can't be forced or controlled. I imagine that they are like children in these ways. They are stubborn and stomping. But goodness, they're worth it. When it works, and the words come easy, the thoughts seem to fit. When there's something tangible to track on a page that started out blank. Then. Then the messiness that you left in your wake doesn't matter. The trail of untidy thoughts is irrelevant.

Then, it's worth it.

Well, Shit

What a tough day. Considering the debacle at Virginia Tech, I've been in a bit of a funk. Now this.

From the dissent by Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg:

Today's decision is alarming. It refuses to take Casey and Stenberg seriously. It tolerates, indeed applauds federal intervention to ban nationwide a procedure found necessary and proper in certain cases by the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG). It blurs the line, firmly drawn in Casey, between previability and postviability abortions. And, for the first time since Roe, the Court blesses a prohibition with no exception safeguarding a woman's health.

Hell in a handbasket, it seems. Once I collect my thoughts, I might try to actually write something coherent about this. Also, I'm sending all my love and support to my dear friends and colleagues who work on these issues at the frontlines. You all are my heroes and I guess the show must go on. For now, though, I suggest we all look for ways to take it to the streets.

(Temporarily) Liberated

Phew. That was a little ugly, but somehow I managed to get the first draft of the thesis done and sent off to my advisor and preceptor.

In, what can only be called the world's most pathetic celebration, I hopped into bed (which I hadn't seen much of recently) with Ben and Jerry's Half-Baked and a DVD of the Bourne Identity (on loan from a kind neighbor). Now, after 8 consecutive hours of sleep(!), I have made and eaten a proper breakfast and have corn bread baking in the oven. It will be the perfect accompaniment to the black beans and rice I plan to cook for lunch.

Somehow, this post consists of the post-thesis-draft food chronicles.

Anyhow, I'm taking the day off from school. I'll be catching up on Ugly Betty and ameliorating my exhausted brain by watching back episodes of Gilmore Girls and maybe a J-lo flick thrown in for good measure.

Then in the evening, you guessed it, are the perfunctory celebrations with others who are also still reeling from humanistic inquiry - to be held at the local pub. I'm looking forward to seeing my dear colleagues at least a little relaxed and, albeit temporarily, liberated.

Don't wait up.

Roots in a Thesis

I've made it back to Chicago after a jaunt to Western Mass. It was fantastic. Now, I'm on notice with this thesis. A full draft is due next week. Here's goes nothing.